The Birth of Ewan

I was 42 weeks and 5 days with baby #6.  Stares, leers, heads shaking with sympathy were abundant, as well as the occasional questions of when I was due and if I were having twins.  Seriously people?

At any rate my anxiety was getting high and I continued to battle IBS and Prodromal labor.  I prayed, I stewed, I paced and texted my fabulous and very patient birth team (Midwife and Doula), way more then was acceptable.    Being the fabulous people they are, they reassured me, gave me strength and helped me gain confidence.

You see, I had suffered my second miscarriage before this baby and was completely shocked when I discovered I was pregnant as I had endured infections as a result of the miscarriage.  I was happy and terrified all at the same time.  I also felt the affects of being 10 years older then when I started and while my pregnancy was healthy it was tough.

As August came and went, I started to pray that this little guy would come on a special day in September and he most certainly did.  I went to bed around 1am on the 7th and awoke later to intense pain which were my contractions gearing up.  After so many false starts, I finally "knew" that this was the real deal, and with a history of fast births, my husband quickly started calling our birth team which consisted of a Midwife, Doula and Photographer.

All my kids were thankfully asleep and miraculously everyone got to my house. The bed had already been prepared for the pending birth, and I found the most comfortable and bearable position for me was on all fours, hanging onto a pillow while Bill rubbed my back.  Tifanny my Midwife checked me and I was at 6cm.  My Doula Candace helped me relax through each contraction while my Photographer Lindsay caught these raw, painful and beautiful moments of labor.  My husband was a constant assuring presence, quiet, gentle, strong, solid.

I vocalized with each contraction and let my body do its thing.  Finally I was ready to push and could feel a loss of control so to speak, it was happening so fast!  Candace and Tiffany helped me regain control and guided me, (he was coming fast!) and with a few pushes, Ewan's head was out and the there was a pop and a big splash!  Poor Bill and myself were soaked but our beautiful, big baby boy was on my belly.  He was finally here on the Feast Day of the Blessed Virgin Mary, in my home, in our room with people who cared for us. The rest of our beautiful children woke up one by one to meet their baby brother. I felt such joy!  (I had another handsome rainbow baby.)  We all gathered on our queen-size bed to admire and love our new gift from God.
 

Ewan Gillivray Michael Shea was born on September 8, 2015 at 4:54am, at home. Weighing 9 pounds, 8 ounces, 21 inches long.

He is a beautiful. sweet baby who likes to eat, be cuddled and is adored by everyone.  Welcome to our family Ewan.💙

Forgiveness

Recently I've been pondering the action and meaning of forgiveness.  With all the nastiness we are bombarded with daily on social media including various news outlets, it would appear there is not a lot of it (forgiveness that is), going around.  Life is hard for many nowadays in some fashion or another.  However, no one ever guaranteed this life would be easy or even pleasant, yet I've met those among us that radiate joy and love, even a midst pain and suffering, deep in some cases.

So what does it mean to forgive?  Well of course the best and most obvious example for us would be to look at Jesus.  However for us here on earth I've noticed that people hold on to hurt, even the most trivial and think of Jesus as a convenient afterthought to their trials.

So what does it mean to forgive?  How?  I'm no theologian but I do believe to start, prayer is in order, (or whatever you need to do to find some solace if you're not the praying sort), and start with forgiving yourself and make an effort to do better.  Then evaluate why you're holding onto whatever or whoever it is that is hurting you.  Was it an action?  Words? Incident? Why does it still bother you? Confront the hurt and maybe even the person (calmly).  Yes, this is a work in progress for me.

I've had my share of hurts and what I've learned is that forgiveness doesn't happen overnight and then suddenly everything is great.  Forgiveness comes through prayer and the daily choice of not giving in to hatred, revenge, despair and silence.  Talk to someone, pray and make a conscience effort to find a way to forgive. Joy comes when you realize that you are actually set free from the pain of hate and sadness once you truly forgive.  This doesn't mean you have to have tea and cakes with who hurt you.  However, truly letting go of past hurts can bring a peace that is otherwise hidden from us.  

This is not easy.  For some situations, it is darn right excruciating because being mad and hurt seems so much easier then letting go.

I'm trying to raise my kids to aspire to be saints, in other words to follow Christ and to have the courage to do so.  This includes forgiving those who hurt them and instead, praying for the ones who do the hurting.  What kind of parent would I be if I did not lead by example?  Do I fail in this?  Of course and then I pray they forgive me and help me to do better.  Most importantly I seek forgiveness from God and teach my kids to do the same.  What a peace I find when I do this and in turn joy can enter in.

May you find experience the peace and joy of forgiveness.

~Stella