Parenting when your kids have Sensory Processing Disorder

Parenting in general can be challenging at times, and at times extremely challenging.  We all have days where we feel like we're herding cats and chasing monkeys.  However most days we are grateful for the little gifts of life God has given us, we offer up prayers, we ask for patience and we take one day at time.
However for some of us, we may have children that really tests our parenting strategies.  I have six kids.  Two have Sensory Processing Disorder (one of them also has mild Autism), and another has ADD.  I believe each and every one of them have a gift to offer and themselves is of course a gift from God.
The thing is, not all disabilities are immediately visible.   Sensory Processing Disorder and High Functioning Autism can be that way.  My son who has SPD is a happy, handsome, sweet little boy who enjoys, reading, running, playing and doing a lot of the same things other little boys his age do.  However, he likes structure, prefers to be alerted to change before it happens, dislikes itchy clothing, and can get overwhelmed if he's tired or had a long day.  When he was 18 months, he only said a few words.  I have quite a lot of background in Special Needs(and now a Master's), and knew something was not quite right.  We got interventions going immediately and was able to meet his needs.  He talks and usually handles his SPD needs quite well.  My daughter has SPD and mild Autism.  She gets very overwhelmed in crowds, loud noises sometimes bother her as do tags, itchy clothes and sudden transitions.  She's beautiful with big beautiful blue eyes that you could swim in and long, thick golden hair that even I envy!  She likes order and to be in control of play.  Making friends can be difficult.  None of these things are apparent when someone meets her for the first time.  Sitting through Mass for an hour is difficult for her, but we do the best we can.  I'm sure there are people who can't understand why a six year old girl can't "behave" for an hour.  Well, quite frankly you don't know.
I have a son with ADD who is bright, sweet as a can be with sandy blond hair that has just enough wave to cause a superman curl in the middle of his forehead.  He's also come a long way, but can still get distracted if tired or excited about something (especially Star Wars).

I heartily believe in advocacy for special needs children.  I choose to home school all of my kids because that is what's best for our family, and through insurance we get them the appropriate intervention.  I know that is not possible for everyone to do, but I encourage parents, special education teachers, para professionals, doctors and therapists to be good communicators with one another, advocate for the kids.  Encourage each other as well as the child.  The goal for me is to make sure my kids find joy and can fly, be successful and have the tools available to them to do so.  That also means I will seek out and appreciate the support from friends and family, and try to educate those who don't understand.

So before you rush to conclusions because a child (or even an adult for that matter), doesn't "look" disabled, take pause, offer to help.  Maybe the parent(s) has a sleepless night for one reason or another.  Maybe a big change happened and the child is having a difficult time adjusting.  Be compassionate, supportive and pray for them.  I know I would appreciate it.  

Refiners Fire

Whew, it has been quite a week.  No, make that quite a few months, but that's another blog.  This week every member of my family has been sick with one thing or another and without the help of family members who came to help out, I don't know how I would've made it through.  I've learned through prayer and patience that God will work out the details.  I also have amazing family from all sides who have literally come to my rescue.

Details.  Have you ever prayed for something?  Wondered about a situation you or someone you know is in?  Maybe it's just wondering how you're going to get through the day.  Being responsible for the little souls God gives us is no easy task and yes, the days can be long, very long sometimes, but the years are short, too short as I am discovering.  I pray for my children, my family members, my friends and yes even for myself at times.  I am finally on the mend from 3 months of illness and not really knowing what the problem was until God put the right people in my life.  An amazing doctor, family members, counselor and friends.  Let me tell you people, the thyroid is crazy important and when it's not functioning properly it can turn your world upside down.  The details of who was in involved and where I was important and in my opinion a complete answer to prayer.  Truly amazing. 

Waiting.  However, it's not always easy for us to wait for those details and sometimes the hardest part is the waiting.  Once we knew what the problem was, I then had to wait and wait.  I had to wait for the medicine to kick in.  I had to wait for test results.  I had to wait for a lot of things and that was very difficult.  All I could do was pray and take one day at a time.  My husband has been an amazing support as well as so many of our family.  My kids have been troopers because when mom is not well, who is usually up and raring to go, that can be a difficult change.

Change.  I am finally to a point where I can see how God was changing me.  Nowhere has God ever said our lives are going to be easy.  Nor does He promise to take all pain and suffering away, but we don't have to go it alone.  We are never alone with God who gave His son for us.  Think on that.  My suffering is nothing compared to what Christ did for me.  My recent trials are nothing compared to many people I know or persecuted Christians across the world.  But I can still offer them up.  I can hand them over and in so doing, I have seen the blessings of this act.  My attitude is changing.  My reaction to trial and stress is changing (for the better), I still have days where I say hurtful things, or am not the best version of me I'd like to be.  But God will change us to be that best version of ourselves, the person He made us to be.

In January I made a commitment to pray every single day and it has mostly been a re-commitment to the Rosary.  With that, I have been trying to give all my trials to Jesus, laying them at His feet, giving them over for Him to do with what He will.  It is no easy task, but I have seen the rewards already.  Prayers offered for others have been answered.  Prayers of my own have been answered.  This is a daily commitment.  Instead of living in frustration, in despair, in anger or in anxiety, I am choosing to give those things to our Heavenly Father, offer them up for Him to do something good with them.  Do I always succeed at this?  No.  However, I keep trying.  This is the Refiner's Fire.  We come through the fire to be something more beautiful and holy.  So think of your trials, your pain, your suffering as a way to change for the better, to change into the best version of yourself.  The version God created you to be.  To be a light in this dark world.  Offer your cross for the sake of others.  Pray.  Forgive.  Inspire.  Love and know you are loved.