The Last Night

Tonight, October 10, 2016 is the last night I and my family will sleep in the house we’ve lived in for the last twelve years.  It is a bittersweet moment to realize all our hard work and perseverance to sell our home has paid off, and yet there is the hint of sadness as we close this chapter of our lives.  My kids are excited and dare I say - ready - to move on to a new adventure, the big kids especially.  The two little shamrock girls are having a little more difficulty.  This is all they've known and my littlest two shamrocks were born in this house.  Honestly, I've been so busy I really haven't had time to stop and reflect.  There is still work to do, but the last major push to empty the house is here and truly, there isn't much left to do.

For the most part I try not to get too attached emotionally to “things” and a house is that, what makes it a home are the people in it and of course the invitation to allow God to reside there as well.  So our old house was definitely home but as families do at some time or another, we outgrew it both in physical and emotional capacity.  God has led us on this journey and providing solutions to problems as we go along.  The interesting result of our house-selling-buying experience is how it has taught us to rely on God and God alone.  An important reminder in these precarious times.

The process certainly hasn't been easy and there has been plenty of stress to go around, but I am personally at peace with our journey which in turn gives comfort to my kids.  God never promised us the easy way or even happiness, but there is joy, love, compassion, forgiveness and faith.  These carry us through the difficult times although sometimes finding our way to these things can be a challenge too.  When in doubt pray, pray, pray.  It is true.  Even the smallest prayer can open the door to hope.

So while I'm a little sad to leave our house, I have faith in God that He will lead us to the right path, even if it gets a little narrow and scetchy at times.  I have hope He will continue to put the the “right” people in our lives when we need them and I pray we can repay their kindness one day.  We look forward to making our new house (whenever that happens) a home where God, friends and love are welcome.

Please pray for us and I will do the same for you.  Prayer is powerful.

God Bless.

Love,

Momma Shamrock Shea

The Birth of Ewan

I was 42 weeks and 5 days with baby #6.  Stares, leers, heads shaking with sympathy were abundant, as well as the occasional questions of when I was due and if I were having twins.  Seriously people?

At any rate my anxiety was getting high and I continued to battle IBS and Prodromal labor.  I prayed, I stewed, I paced and texted my fabulous and very patient birth team (Midwife and Doula), way more then was acceptable.    Being the fabulous people they are, they reassured me, gave me strength and helped me gain confidence.

You see, I had suffered my second miscarriage before this baby and was completely shocked when I discovered I was pregnant as I had endured infections as a result of the miscarriage.  I was happy and terrified all at the same time.  I also felt the affects of being 10 years older then when I started and while my pregnancy was healthy it was tough.

As August came and went, I started to pray that this little guy would come on a special day in September and he most certainly did.  I went to bed around 1am on the 7th and awoke later to intense pain which were my contractions gearing up.  After so many false starts, I finally "knew" that this was the real deal, and with a history of fast births, my husband quickly started calling our birth team which consisted of a Midwife, Doula and Photographer.

All my kids were thankfully asleep and miraculously everyone got to my house. The bed had already been prepared for the pending birth, and I found the most comfortable and bearable position for me was on all fours, hanging onto a pillow while Bill rubbed my back.  Tifanny my Midwife checked me and I was at 6cm.  My Doula Candace helped me relax through each contraction while my Photographer Lindsay caught these raw, painful and beautiful moments of labor.  My husband was a constant assuring presence, quiet, gentle, strong, solid.

I vocalized with each contraction and let my body do its thing.  Finally I was ready to push and could feel a loss of control so to speak, it was happening so fast!  Candace and Tiffany helped me regain control and guided me, (he was coming fast!) and with a few pushes, Ewan's head was out and the there was a pop and a big splash!  Poor Bill and myself were soaked but our beautiful, big baby boy was on my belly.  He was finally here on the Feast Day of the Blessed Virgin Mary, in my home, in our room with people who cared for us. The rest of our beautiful children woke up one by one to meet their baby brother. I felt such joy!  (I had another handsome rainbow baby.)  We all gathered on our queen-size bed to admire and love our new gift from God.
 

Ewan Gillivray Michael Shea was born on September 8, 2015 at 4:54am, at home. Weighing 9 pounds, 8 ounces, 21 inches long.

He is a beautiful. sweet baby who likes to eat, be cuddled and is adored by everyone.  Welcome to our family Ewan.💙

Forgiveness

Recently I've been pondering the action and meaning of forgiveness.  With all the nastiness we are bombarded with daily on social media including various news outlets, it would appear there is not a lot of it (forgiveness that is), going around.  Life is hard for many nowadays in some fashion or another.  However, no one ever guaranteed this life would be easy or even pleasant, yet I've met those among us that radiate joy and love, even a midst pain and suffering, deep in some cases.

So what does it mean to forgive?  Well of course the best and most obvious example for us would be to look at Jesus.  However for us here on earth I've noticed that people hold on to hurt, even the most trivial and think of Jesus as a convenient afterthought to their trials.

So what does it mean to forgive?  How?  I'm no theologian but I do believe to start, prayer is in order, (or whatever you need to do to find some solace if you're not the praying sort), and start with forgiving yourself and make an effort to do better.  Then evaluate why you're holding onto whatever or whoever it is that is hurting you.  Was it an action?  Words? Incident? Why does it still bother you? Confront the hurt and maybe even the person (calmly).  Yes, this is a work in progress for me.

I've had my share of hurts and what I've learned is that forgiveness doesn't happen overnight and then suddenly everything is great.  Forgiveness comes through prayer and the daily choice of not giving in to hatred, revenge, despair and silence.  Talk to someone, pray and make a conscience effort to find a way to forgive. Joy comes when you realize that you are actually set free from the pain of hate and sadness once you truly forgive.  This doesn't mean you have to have tea and cakes with who hurt you.  However, truly letting go of past hurts can bring a peace that is otherwise hidden from us.  

This is not easy.  For some situations, it is darn right excruciating because being mad and hurt seems so much easier then letting go.

I'm trying to raise my kids to aspire to be saints, in other words to follow Christ and to have the courage to do so.  This includes forgiving those who hurt them and instead, praying for the ones who do the hurting.  What kind of parent would I be if I did not lead by example?  Do I fail in this?  Of course and then I pray they forgive me and help me to do better.  Most importantly I seek forgiveness from God and teach my kids to do the same.  What a peace I find when I do this and in turn joy can enter in.

May you find experience the peace and joy of forgiveness.

~Stella

Courage & God

After a rather emotionally tumultuous yesterday afternoon, I rediscovered my courage and realized I have met and witnessed courage in many forms over the last few weeks.  The obvious being the firefighters and first responders right here in Colorado risking their lives so other lives, homes and property can be saved.  Truly amazing and inspiring.

There are other types of courage though.  I have met Moms preserving to breastfeed their babies while out in public against admonishing glares, parents trying to overcome the heartache they feel when their child is diagnosed with a disability or illness.  I have met single moms who are trying to provide a secure, loving environment for their child amidst tumult and distress.  I know people who are (and have) battled cancer, lost everything in a fire, lost their minds (literally) and are in financial distress.  What all these people have in common is their courage to keep going, to get up every day, to put others before themselves and most importantly do all this loving God and doing their best to Serve God.

It is my opinion that we are living in very troubling times and I often fear for my children, what their future will be like.  Then I remember that if I do my best (together with my husband) then the rest is up to God.  If we teach our children to be followers of Christ, they will get through whatever hardships they encounter and ultimately be closer to Christ.  That is my wish for my children; to serve God lovingly, willingly without wavering and to be home with Him in Heaven one day.   


I'd like to leave you with this prayer:

"O my Jesus, the Cross is Your standard; I should be ashamed to ask to be delivered from it. From one evil only I ardently beg You to preserve me: from any deliberate sin, however slight. O Lord, I beg You by the merits of Your Sacred Passion to keep all sin far from me. But as for other evils--bodily or spiritual sufferings, physical pain or mental anguish--I beg Your light and strength: light to understand the hidden meaning which they have in the plans of Your divine Providence, light to believe firmly that every sorrow or trial, every pain or disappointment, is planned by You for my greater good; strength not to let myself be influenced by the false maxims of the world or led astray by the vain mirage of earthly happiness, strength to accept suffering of any kind with courage and love." ~Divine Intimacy

Vulnerability from an unlikely source...

Here is one of those moments I've been thinking about in my head for a week and decided to write it down.  Perhaps someone else will benefit.

I went in last week for a massage, something I do not do regularly.  At first I was quite excited, I was looking forward to some quiet time to myself, a chance to unwind and hopefully have some aches and pains worked out if at least for a short while. 

As I was getting ready I got suddenly shy.  I thought, "O.K., I know this person isn't going to "see" anything, the therapist is another woman and I'm only here for 80 minutes so what is the big deal?"  I felt like I had a whispering in my ear and believe it or not I think it was God trying to use this as a teachable moment.  What really did I have to fear?  Nothing at that moment in time.  A stretch you say?  From a massage to a Jesus moment?  Well yes, and for a mother of five small children, I'll take what I can get!  Silence isn't usually golden in my home and if there is silence it means someone is up to something. 

So there I was receiving a wonderful, much needed massage, being reminded I am sore and out of shape (working on that), and thinking about how we make ourselves vulnerable to others and other situations, but we will not give ourselves over to God.  We will not expose our fears and hurts to the one who can help us the most!  I am a person who likes to plan, not strict, but I do like a some structure and I have difficulty just letting my need to "control" the situation go.  However, when I "let go and let God" take the reigns, I have been blessed unexpectedly and beautifully.  I am often graced by my children's ability to teach me about charity, love, patience and quite frankly how doing the little things matter so much. 

So the next time you are in a situation as simple (and maybe as silly) as getting a massage, listen.  God may just be trying to tell you something when you least expect it. 

Blessings.

Stella